I DARE YOU...

...to watch this and NOT laugh.

I can't believe these people exist.

See more funny videos and funny pictures at CollegeHumor.

HAHAHAHAHAHA

I'm going to go kill some trees...

-The BAMF

EPIC FAILURE!! HOORAY!!

In honor of President Barack Obama's Inaugeration...

I have decided to post some of my all time favorite FAIL videos.

(Bwahaha)

Some of these you people have seen...some you havent.

Hey, you are probably reading this at work..you need a laugh.


First up. Not one but TWO US Army FAILS.



And then...



And now on to some great ones...





And...



And... (I dont know WHAT this kid is trying to do)



And of course...its only funny when the terrorists FAIL.

Here's my favorite. They bury an IED TOO far in the road. Listen to the guy in the turret about 10 seconds after the explosion...he's wild..like me..hahaha.




And of course...we can have fun in Iraq...



We get bored...





And it wouldnt be complete without my boy...TECHNOVIKING!!





Have a great day people..

The BAMF

I got tagged...TWICE..so here goes.

Oh, and TWO of you did this...so I guess I have to.


25 RANDOM things about ME:



1. I am a total carnivore. (Not to copy your first one Elle) I love steaks, chicken, mmmmm. Dinner.


2. Speaking of food, I actually kind of enjoy MRE's. Thats "Meal Ready to Eat" for you civilian types. Most would find them disgusting...but I strangely like them.


3. I got glasses in the third grade. Contact lenses in the 8th...and LASIK on New Years Eve (of all days) in 2004. Best. Decision. Ever.


Ok, to the GOOD stuff...

4. I cook. I clean. I do laundry. I am quite domestic. hey, you be 25 and hopelessly single..you'll learn.


5. I, as heterosexual as I am, LOVE Grey's Anatomy. Go ahead, mock me. Its a great show...and I have some strange thing for Lexi Grey. (Haha)


6. I am WRITING a book. (Whoa now) I spoke with a publisher a few months ago. Its a secret for now. But some of you people may make an appearance ;)


7. I have 2 tattoos. I REALLY want a 3rd one. I know what I want..I just cant decide where to put it! grrrr.


8. I'm 25. I've had these tattoo's for YEARS...and my parents DON'T know. They'd go bat-shit crazy.


9. I strangely WANT kids. (whoa now)


10. I despise most people in Hollywood. Don't get me wrong, I LOVE movies..and I even like a few actors. But please, shut the fuck up and just ACT. I don't give a shit about your political views or how eco-friendly you think I should be...just ACT assholes.


11. My BlackBerry is my new favorite toy.


12. Here's random for you. I can name the BEST meal I have ever eaten. The Rose and Crown Pub in St.Albans. On the outskirts of London. Holy shit amazing.


13. My Dad is my hero.


14. I am an "adrenaline-junkie". Damn you US Army for letting me jump out of aircraft.


15. I feel naked without my watch on.


16. I've been shot in my body armor before. TWICE. Its not like the movies kids...that shit hurts.


17. (Ok, THIS one is for you Elle) I LOVE seeing Memphis on "The First 48". I think it is HILARIOUS. I love seeing streets I've driven down, etc. Its funny.


18. My dog is like my child. Ok, my adopted child (she's a pound-rescue). But seriously, I love my dog.


19. I don't know how I lived without an iPod?


20. I wish I could collectively "pimp-slap" every member of Congress (The House AND The Senate...and BOTH Parties) Get a real job...bitches.


21. I have strong, strong, strong doubts about Barack Obama's ability to deliver on everything he has promised and he definitely has NO business being my Commander-in-Chief. (Hey, he is NOT the President YET people)


22. I want to punch slow walking people in the back of the head. (what?)


23. Televangelists are some of the funniest people I have ever seen. (Hey, I am a Christian...but come on Joel Osteen...lay off the Bo-Tox hero)


24. I am AMAZED by some other countries Military forces. I read about them, study them, etc. Not just to "know my enemy"...I just honestly find some of them interesting. Like the Russian Special Forces, the "Spetznaz", learn to fight...WITH A SHOVEL! A SHOVEL! Thats crazy. Come at me with your shovel. I'll kill you. With my rifle. From 300 meters away.


25. I'm one of the few people you probably know who really is going to spend his entire professional career serving this country. I dont just mean a few years...I mean all of it. You guys are worth it. I want you guys to be safe and enjoy all the FREEDOMS we have.


Out here,

The BAMF

I am a HORRIBLE person...kinda sorta?

Ok Ok Ok...I'm sorry I dissapeared. But hey, alot of you people vanished during the holidays too.

I DEEPLY apologize. But my life has been one word : in-fucking-sane. Yeah, its just ONE word.

The Holidays were actually NICE this year. I was at my parents house in good ol Collierville, TN with just them and my sister...and my dog...and my sister's dog (they count too). See, we had EVERYONE in town for Thanksgiving this year, so it was nice to have some peace for Christmas (I have a few Thanksgiving stories aboout my little demon-cousin Andrew...he's only 6...and he is the anti-Christ) Thats for a later post.


but DURING the month of December, I was busy jumping through the hoops for the government man. John has (as of January 4th, only ONE final interview/orientation session and I'll be on my way to Federal Agant land with the Department of Homeland Security. (Can I get a woot?) But once again, chatter for a later post.


I PROMISED you guys footage and pictures from that wild-ass exercise I did with the 20th Special Forces group. SO...I'll give you a teaser while I upload and edit video. ;)




Yes yes, the BAMF wandered onto a golf course...I couldn't resist the photo op.





More to come people.

-The BAMF

To the next level!

Well. As you all can probably tel. This whole blog thing has been kinda new for the ol' BAMF.

But I am stepping up my game.

This week I will be posting some WILD shit people.

I have been tapped to participate in a Combat Search, Evasion, and Rescue exercise with the 20th Special Forces Group.

What the hell is that you ask? Well, they are going to drop me someplace I am "unfamiliar with". I will have NO map. No GPS. Not even a compass. I will have all the standard combat gear an Army Ranger usually has, with one exception. NO rifle. I will, however, have a sidearm. It will be armed with "simunitions". Those mother-fuckers are REAL bullets with a plastic, paint-filled tip. All of you vaginas that play paintball...this is NOT for you.

I will have to make it to "safety" which will be some given point on planet earth...without being CAUGHT or KILLED. Now, they wont actually kill me. But those are GREEN BERETS people. They are GOOD at what they do. They will have RIFLES armed with simunition rounds. THey can engage me from 300+ METERS away. (Thats a LONG LONG LONG way people)

And here's the kicker.


Ol' BAMF is taking his camera. As in video. can I get a woot?



Stay tuned for details.


Lets hope I survive this.


Cheers,

-The BAMF

Veterans Day

In memory of the 12 who didn't make it back with me.



And those still there...
Never forgotten.


-The BAMF

Someone out there thinks like I do.

Ok, I am not posting ANYTHING about the election. My Democratic friends, I congratulate you.

But someone sent this to me...and its too funny not to post.

I didn't write it...



BUSH'S RESIGNATION SPEECH

The following 'speech' was written recently by an ordinary Maine-iac [a resident of the People's Republic of Maine ]. While satirical in nature, all satire must have a basis in fact to be effective. This is an excellent piece by a person who does not write for a living.

The speech George W. Bush might give:




Normally, I start these things out by saying 'My Fellow Americans.' Not doing it this time. If the polls are any indication, I don't know who more than half of you are anymore. I do know something terrible has happened, and that you're really not fellow Americans any longer.
I'll cut right to the chase here: I quit. Now before anyone gets all in a lather about me quitting to avoid impeachment, or to avoid prosecution or something, let me assure you: There's been no breaking of laws or impeachable offenses in this office.


The reason I'm quitting is simple. I'm fed up with you people. I'm fed up because you have no understanding of what's really going on in the world. Or of what's going on in this once-great nation of ours. And the majority of you are too damned lazy to do your homework and figure it out.
Let's start local. You've been sold a bill of goods by politicians and the news media.


Meanwhile, all you can do is whine about gas prices, and most of you are too damn stupid to realize that gas prices are high because there's increased demand in other parts of the world, and because a small handful of noisy idiots are more worried about polar bears and beachfront property than your economic security.

We face real threats in the world. Don't give me this 'blood for oil' thing. If I were trading blood for oil I would've already seized Iraq 's oil fields and let the rest of the country go to hell. And don't give me this 'Bush Lied...People Died' crap either. If I were the liar you morons take me for, I could've easily had chemical weapons planted in Iraq so they could be 'discovered.' Instead, I owned up to the fact that the intelligence was faulty.


Let me remind you that the rest of the world thought Saddam had the goods, same as me. Let me also remind you that regime change in Iraq was official US policy before I came into office. Some guy named ' Clinton ' established that policy. Bet you didn't know that, did you?
Now some of you morons want to be led by a junior senator with no understanding of foreign policy or economics, and this nitwit says we should attack Pakistan , a nuclear ally. And then he wants to go to Iran and make peace with a terrorist who says he's going to destroy us. While he's doing that, he wants to give Iraq to al Qaeda, Afghanistan to the Taliban, Israel to the Palestinians, and your money to the IRS so the government can give welfare to illegal aliens, who he will make into citizens, so they can vote to re-elect him. He also thinks it's okay for Iran to have nuclear weapons, and we should stop our foreign aid to Israel . Did you sleep through high school?

You idiots need to understand that we face a unique enemy. Back during the cold war, there were two major competing political and economic models squaring off. We won that war, but we did so because fundamentally, the Communists wanted to survive, just as we do. We were simply able to out spend and out-tech them.



That's not the case this time. The soldiers of our new enemy don't care if they survive. In fact, they want to die. That'd be fine, as long as they weren't also committed to taking as many of you with them as they can. But they are. They want to kill you, and the bastards are all over the globe.

You should be grateful that they haven't gotten any more of us here in the United States since September 11. But you're not. That's because you've got no idea how hard a small number of intelligence, military, law enforcement, and homeland security people have worked to make sure of that. When this whole mess started, I warned you that this would be a long and difficult fight. I'm disappointed how many of you people think a long and difficult fight amounts to a single season of 'Survivor.'


Instead, you've grown impatient. You're incapable of seeing things through the long lens of history, the way our enemies do. You think that wars should last a few months, a few years, tops.

Making matters worse, you actively support those who help the enemy. Every time you buy the New York Times, every time you send a donation to a cut-and-run Democrat's political campaign, well, dang it, you might just as well FedEx a grenade launcher to a Jihadist. It amounts to the same thing.

In this day and age, it's easy enough to find the truth. It's all over the Internet. It just isn't on the pages of the New York Times, USA Today, or on NBC News. But even if it were, I doubt you'd be any smarter. Most of you would rather watch American Idol or Dancing with Stars.

I could say more about your expectations that the government will always be there to bail you out, even if you're too stupid to leave a city that's below sea level and has a hurricane approaching.


I could say more about your insane belief that government, not your own wallet, is where the money comes from. But I've come to the conclusion that were I to do so, it would sail right over your heads.

So I quit. I'm going back to Crawford. I've got an energy-efficient house down there (Al Gore could only dream) and the capability to be fully self-sufficient for years. No one ever heard of Crawford before I got elected, and as soon as I'm done here pretty much no one will ever hear of it again. Maybe I'll be lucky enough to die of old age before the last pillars of America fall.

Oh, and by the way, Cheney's quitting too. That means Pelosi is your new President. You asked for it. Watch what she does carefully, because I still have a glimmer of hope that there are just enough of you remaining who are smart enough to turn this thing around in 2008.

So that's it. God bless what's left of America .

Some of you know what I mean. The rest of you, kiss off.

PS - You might want to start learning Farsi, and buy a Koran.








Oh, so funny.

For real. I'm done. We can all hold hands and sing songs now.


=)


-The BAMF